Purple Daisies: Is It Okay To Be Me?

You may have noticed that I no longer post pictures of my outfits. I have gained some weight and no longer feel comfortable in my own skin let alone clothes. I haven't been shopping for clothes since October and before then it was over a year. I don't post any outfit pictures because I don't think anyone wants to see an overweight woman modeling clothes. I am now making an effort to get back into shape, which you can follow on my other blog, Survival of the Fittest. You can see I have some insecurities. My style is also changing, so I'm not really sure who I am anymore.

I do know that I can't be the only one like this. With the stresses of life, many times our bodies take the brunt of it. Sometimes we need a drastic wake-up call to what's going on with our bodies; other times, we just need to put on old clothes and realize they no longer fit. Both have happened to me. Hence, the fitness blog. I know my body isn't meant to be below a certain size, and I'm very okay with that. Strength is beautiful, after all. Healthy is the goal, and I know I'm no longer that.

As to my new style, I'm still trying to see what works best. I live in a new environment now; southern California weather is a bit (okay, a lot) different from Alabama weather. I'm not a teacher anymore, so I can loosen up a bit. I don't have to wear "fancy" stuff anymore or suits or try to look like I'm in charge. The whole newness is throwing me. I have been in the same fashion mode since 2008, and now I realize I am able to change it. I've noticed that not feeling so hot about how I look causes a shift in how I dress. I'm no longer big into what's in the magazine style section. I'm drawn more to comfortable clothes, soft fabrics.

I'm losing some insecurities about my appearance - not with the weight side but with the perception side. I use to feel that to be accepted, you have to dress a certain way. I know that exists. I'm now wondering if I didn't just amplify it in my brain. I've always wanted to belong, and I've never felt I did. I turned to fashion to find belonging. Now, I think I'm realizing it really is okay to be me. Strange.

This is why I love Polyvore. I use this site to create boards, which I share here, to find my own style. I can show you a fun outfit idea without having to show you me. Maybe one day the insecurities will fall and I'll be back.